Lose the Battle, Win the War!

A couple of weeks ago my fiance and I were at a small get together with what I have to describe as my friends. I'd like to call them our friends but I am no in the least bit convinced she likes my friends. Be that as it may, we were having a good time playing cards and having a few drinks and some food. It was a pleasant evening even though we had arrived significantly late. To a certain extent I have given up the fight for being on time as my honey just will not make herself be on time. That pretty much goes for anything; work, church, parties. You name it we are late. Any of you who know me know that I have always been very punctual as I find it a good trait and above all else, courteous.

Well, as it turned out I placed second in the card tournament we were playing. My honey finished fourth or fifth, can't really remember. As I was playing in the final three I noticed her begin to yawn. Mind you it was not yet 10:00 pm and we had not been there for three hours yet and our hosts had fed us. Now before I go on I should say that while my baby really liked watching the World Series of Poker last fall on TV, she really likes to play dealer choice poker better.

As it turns out I finished second in the tournament at about 10:10. I know my friends and I knew there would be a second game. When I asked my babe if she wanted to play she said no, knowing damn well I wanted to. She gave a couple of half-assed "go ahead and play" remarks, but I knew what that meant. So being a person who likes to get along I decided we would not play. Of course I pouted for the next 20 minutes and basically wouldn't look at her. I acted like a spoiled baby, which meant two of us were doing it, because I couldn't play.

All week this has really bothered me. Mainly because I just think she doesn't like my friends, which she better get over, because I am too old to get all new ones. But second it bothered me that she had so little regard for me and my feelings. I felt hurt that night, but am over it now, or am I?

There will be a next time to play poker and it will come up soon. And I am playing. But looking back I am sure I did the right thing by capitulating.

You see I have come to the conclusion that manners are not everyone's strong suit. I can't help most of them, but I can help my honey. In life there are battles every day. In a relationship, one or both parties can make proverbial mountains out of molehills. Thankfully we are not like that.

I honestly believe that there are battles that are and are not worth fighting, let alone winning. I also believe that with a little effort EVERY battle is winnable. But why? Why win every battle? Where does that leave me? I have watched my friends who are married and I see the pitfalls of their relationships and how they are smoothed over. I know that this is all a give-and-take and have found I really like to give. Trying to win every battle and giving the effort needed to win them made me forget what it is like to be happy. Last August when my honey and me got together formally I gave up winning them all. Hell losing a few can be even more rewarding!
I love my honey and next time there is a poker game I will simply tell her we will be playing two games and she can choose to go or not go. I love her and I want her there, but I gave up the last fight to retreat to a better strategy one that takes both of our feelings into account. After all, that is what the giving and taking is all about